My very onliest, darlingest, sweetest, and most precious Cap’n Big Boy.
Want me to tell you a secret? Huh – well, here is it! Sh_______? —> I love you!
How’s the great big beautiful world this morning? Hot? I guess so. Tonite is the nite of your test. I’ll think of you, dear boy, and know you’re going to come out better than fine! I know it because you know my prophesies are usually true. But oh! I love you so!
I don’t know just why I love you so hugely today, but I just wish I could be with you a while. Why, you’d pass your test and make the highest on it if you were with me in this mood. I feel different than ever before. Aunt Anna and I talked from 9:30 til 12 last nite mostly about you, and, of course, I was careful of what I said, but oh, Fred, what a good feeling it is to have a real true-blue sweetheart whom you can trust. No wonder I love you so. No wonder I’m hurt when you are bad, but I always know that Freddy boy doesn’t mean it. He couldn’t for true love doesn’t do those things. And I know you love me truly.
San Marcos, Texas
More than ever do I realize and believe the old saying “Anticipation is greater than realization.” Of course I’ve found out before but never quite like this. I’ve waited only 5 years to come visit Bernice. And during that time I’ve looked forward with more than joy at the idea. Isn’t it funny that I left home to seek joy, happiness and a good time, and when I’m away I find that after all, I’ve left happiness behind – far behind. I’m not happy here. I’m miserable. I’ve been here about 12 hours, and already I detest the place, the people, and Berniece’s house. I find that “all is not gold that glitters.” Perhaps this town is the height of fun and a good time. However, I can’t find it because these good times don’t appeal to me. Fred, I’ve got worse than the blues. I’m so sick, and the ache is down so deep in my heart, I can’t even cry. This is positively the life I loathe – the life I detest, and I don’t see how I can live it for a week without going insane. But what am I to do? I can’t leave Berniece. It would hurt her terribly. She’s never forgive me, but I can’t endure this. here’s the way it is. Remember, dear, you can trust me, for I love you, besides would I do anything I hate, really and trule detest?
Well, I had some wild rides yesterday – at lunch yesterday, Berniece came by Aunt Anna’s and wanted me to pack up and go with her. I did, and we left S.A. in a Ford Coupe and 2 o’clock and then stopped in New Braunfels a while, then on here. At 5 o’clock I was introduced to the family, Gosh!
Then at 6, I proceeded to get ready for a picnic at New Brainfels. Well, here’s the part I detest – all this freedom. I was to go with a boy from here, but he had to work, so I went with another incipid j. b. in an open Ford roadster. Of course, I could have kicked but I thought others was no use being a prude. We planned at first to all go in a Buick, but this other boy couldn’t go and neither could his Buick, so we parted. Of course, the boy was a total stranger, and I detested him. He didn’t touch me, that wasn’t why I hate him. But he was impossible. Anyway, we rode to New Braunfels and I just flew. I was sans hat. We had engine trouble and got there in time to undress, swim 10 minutes and then have to get out. Well, so much for that! We had lunch, then danced. I couldn’t even tell you about the dancing. But I hated it. I hated the men, the boys, the small town girls who think they’re attractive looking like white washed fences, touched up heavily with carmine lips! But I laughed and managed to have a fairly good time so Ber couldn’t see it. My life and hers are very different, I’ve found. Well, anyway at about 10:30, we started on the 20 mile ride, and we got home at 1. The dear old j. b. wanted to show me San M. by nite, and he succeeded. I asked him to take me home, but Berniece hadn’t gotten home yet so we just rode. Oh, nothing happened. But it was so abominable. A bumpy Ford roadster on terrible roads, and I wanted home.
But anyway, we rode and rode and finally pulled in a few minutes after 1. Then Berniece + her date, and me and mine (you know I claim such distinction at having a date with an incipid j. b. whom I hate) sat on the steps and I talked til 1:30 and then went to bed. So at 6 o’clock this morning after a sleepless nite. I got up and tried to figure out a solution to this dilemma. And then I started writing to you. Fred, dear, what can I do? I haven’t even been here a day but I couldn’t endure a week of it. I’d just die. I don’t want to hurt Berniece’s feelings, but I just can’t stay, so what am I to do? I guess I can hold out over the weekend and then leave, but I couldn’t stay a minute longer. Oh, well I’m strong and healthy, I guess. I won’t pass out. But I just will go insane.
I’m about to scream, so I guess I’d better stop. It seems like Fate has played me a dirty trick, and it seems a pity, but I’m getting real cynical about it.
There’s another dance at Lockhart, about 30 miles from here tonite. i don’t know whether I’ll have the nerve to go. I loathe this small town life. Berniece wants to give me a bridge party, pretty soon, but I think I’ll be gone.
Fred, I think my heart’s just slowly cracking. I’ve got an insane desire to just scream and cry.
Remember I love you, dear. I wish you could help me. I don’t know when I can write again. Of course, I’ll do my best.
A wasp stung me yesterday coming over from San A and this morning it’s as big as a house. It’s right on my shoulder blade.
I have to go. I love you – love you – love you – and I’ll see you soon.
Don’t address my mail here – send it to S. A. for I expect to leave here very soon. Send it to the same place.