Sunday 11:45 am
You are going to think I am the laziest thing when I tell you I’m still in bed but considering that I’ve slept only about 8 hours in the past 3 nights, you won’t blame me, will you? I’m horrible tired. I always tell you that, don’t I? But truly it seems that about the time I begin to get rested, something happens. So, Fredibus, next summer (I almost hate to tell you this) I’m going away – somewhere – and I’m going to take a genuine rest cure. Perhaps I shall go to California – or maybe Minnesota + visit some friends or maybe to San Antonio – or perhaps I shan’t go anywhere, if the folks don’t want me to go, but you see, I’ll be thru school and awful tired and there’s never anything doing in this dull old town during summer and then in the fall I’ll come back (perhaps sooner, who knows) and study music so that some day you’ll be really proud of me and you can say that she’s a friend of yours. and then when your name comes out in the American Magazine as one of the —- well, I don’t know just what – but some great man, then I’ll say, he’s my very ownest Fredibus (course, I won’t say that to anybody but myself. I mean call you that – but you will be won’t you? And that’s all in the golden future. When the world will be all ours and we shall demand our just dues. Ah, Fredibus, what could be more wonderful then being true friends all that time. Let’s don’t have any more repetitions of last nite. I’ll try awful hard not to but I was hurt so awful – terribly bad and the way I felt was that the very time I needed you worst was Friday nite and you failed me. I needed a real true friend who would cheer me up. and I found a cool, indifferent sort of human. Perhaps you really weren’t but it seemed that way to me. Now. I wish to Heavens that the line had been busy and I couldn’t have gotten you. I realize now that it was terribly wrong of my to call you – but I needed a little cheering – and I got it, too – looking at a funny paper. and my swollen eyes – and your picture.
Gosh, my feet are paralyzed. My ankle feels slightly strained and uncomfortable but it doesn’t hurt much. and I had the other ankle all twisted up and now my head’s whirling so I’m thinking I had better stop, get up and dress, then continue this foolishness.
I’ve got the victrola going like fury – and I’m living over being dancing with you, Fredibus. You’re far from being a pest at dancing and you have to learn + I’m trying to teach you and I love to feel your arm – Oh Fred – scuse me, but that music is sending me crazy —- those slow drags that just — well, affect me so strangely — those — blues — I wish u were here.
Now I’ve got to quit before I say something astonishing to you. I need a little mental support tonite – Oh, Fred.
This is a letter in the installment plan. Written at different intervals – I nearly got so inspired – listening to the victrola and watching the flames dance over the logs. Seek their partners, fly away then return in a changeable red and blue and white costume and dance wildly over the logs. I nearly composed a poem to the Fire Fairies and then, I watched the fairies leap up and gather into their flames some secrets I had written and I knew they were safe from the eyes of the heartless public. And if anything happened to me – why someone would read them and find out things that they did not need to know – C?
I’m dreadfully glad you called me. It already seems like an age since I saw you. Then one time, I remember, you asked me why I called your attention to things – wasn’t I interested in what you said. Oh, Fredibus, you’ll never know how very interested I was – I’ve never spent a boring moment with you.
I’d like to know why I’m saying all these things to you. A first, when I wrote you during exams before Xmas, I was terribly careful what I said and only allowed the very commonplace subjects. but I’ve gotten terribly personal – Why, I don’t know. but I think it’s lots of fun to write letters and know you’re not so far away that I can’t see you.
Mama’s kicking about my being up. It’s 10:30 so I guess for her dear sake, I’ll have to hit the hay.
You understand, neus carus, that it is neither lack of courage or lack of vocabulary which stops me (and I need not read the dictionary) but it’s lack of time.
The very sweetest dreams to you, Fredibus.
– well – I won’t say it.
Sun. Jan.28, 1923,
Pride of my fading years –
I can not imagine waiting for 4 whole days to answer one of your adorable letters but that seems to be the facts of the case. I’ve never done such a thing before. I’ve always answered your letters right away and sometimes I have written you more then one answer, haven’t I? But, Fredibus, I did it because I wanted to and really enjoyed it. I guess you know that I don’t do so many things I don’t want to. Ha-Ha- But the saints have mercy on me with the things I want to do for I don’t stop to think except that I looked into your eyes and I looked at your DeMolay pin and —- the conclusion is very obvious.
I’m going to start radio talk and u mite have to figure out what I mean but it saves lots of time, movements, patience. U won’t mind, will u?
Fred, I just adore that crowd u had out here last nite. They r so precious. And Mother had such a wonderful time. All day she has been talking about how nice the boys were and how polite they were to her. U kno, Fredibus, Mama is awful sensitive about those things and she feels that if the bunch comes over here and doesn’t have a good time it is simply a crime and I guess that’s the reason we always have such a good time. Mama enters into the fun and is as much a kid as any of the rest of us. It’s wonderful to have a mother like that.
I had a good time under the circumstances and after the news of that horrible accident. Perhaps u noticed that all my gayety was rather forced and how every time I got with u I sort of quieted down. Fredibus, it was surely a relief to have a haven to go to when I felt like I cudn’t hold up another second. Thats what I call a friend and u’ve surely been a wonderful one to me. the thing that I noticed was that Fredibus was sort of worried about something and seemed to be thinking all the time. When u were with me, tho, u seemed to be natural enuf and if anything, a little more precious that usual. I kno u had a gud time but not nearly as gud a time as u usually have. Sometimes u seemed sort of indifferent to everybody, but never to me and I think lots of u for it too. But what was my big athlete thinking of that made him so unresponsive to everybody? Can’t u tell ur old pal and get it off ur mind? honest I won’t breathe it to a single living soul.
Fredibus, those were awful sweet things you told me last nite and I’ve thought of them so much since. I’m terribly glad u feel that way. It gives me a new lease on life.
This morning I was reading over an old diary of mine that I kept last summer and I read the vow that I solemnly made to myself 3 weeks before my 16th birthday. I said that my 16th yr wud be very eventful and wild —- and listen! 2 weeks before my birthday on the 13th Rasoplo proposed — on the 23rd I went to Galveston with a crowd and he was there. Undoubtedly that was the wildest time of my life. I hit the hay at 4 in the morning —- then soon after I met the most fascinating Dr. Mac — then I went to San Antonio and had a marvelous time — I have gotten recognition in the musical world here in Houston —- and then, Fredibus o’ me heart, I went to a Halloween party and met the sweetest Rice soph and he’s been so marvelous to me. I’ve had such a wonderful time with him and thru him I’ve met so many nice boys and just knowing him has meant the world to me — the girl the folks called “the jazz fiend – the fun-chaser–child of old Father Jazz — wild and wolly—the flirt” and numberless other names. I confess, Fred, that all those names were well deserved and I was wild. Now the wildness has given way to events and the thrills that I used to demand aren’t thrills anymore &&&&&&——$$$$????!!
Luckily for us both, Fredibus, u didn’t kno me then. If u had we wudn’t be friends now for a boy like you wudn’t have liked a girl like I was then —- neither wud I have liked u for long because I didn’t stay with a person long enuf to really be interested in them. I was constantly looking for something new– a new thrill, etc.
Sometimes, as a proof for those statements (if u need any)(and I hardly think you do) I’ll show you a book I kept — “CRUSHES, SQUSHES, and MASHES” — a book of the different boys I – well, I started to say liked but such was not the case for I never let myself go further then the hour’s fascination and I never let my heart become involved until a college boy suddenly appeared –quite took my breath away — and before I quite knew it, my heart was, for the very first time involved and I GAVE MORE THEN I’VE EVER VOLUNTARILY GIVEN.
Then, of course, the car came + I flunked-??
I’ve been writing for nearly 2 hours on this thing and Mama is waiting to use the type so I’ll have to call quits.
I hardly think i’ll ever get such a letter as this from me again because I seldom tell people what I’ve said—-
Just oodles of luck to u, Fredibus —
I think u’re just wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!