Thursday, Jan 15
Just another day – and Sat is close again. I rather look forward to it this week. School till 11. Slept all afternoon and developed some more eyes! Jack called and wanted me to go to the Queen, but it was raining too hard. Darn! and I wanted to see what picture. We tumbled later and had lots of fuss. Even tho I am not too sure, I do believe that Fred is the right one. I love him so – with all my heart.
I’m almost despairing about my eyes. Today they ache again. After school I fooled around and rested, and my eyes were even worse. Fred called, then dumb Bruce called. I can’t say I like him. I wish sometimes he wouldn’t call. But how I always want Fred to call! Since I didn’t have any other xcuse for living, I went to bed.
Yes, I looked forward to Sat. nite but there wasn’t the change I expected. After school we went to the library for some Hist[ory] books. At 4 we went swimming with Betty Buhler – Brrr it was cold! Fred came out and we pasted pictures in my book. The old doubt comes again. When I look at Fred + Hop up here, I wonder – wonder – wonder.
And now I realize just what they mean when they say that a girl passes from girlhood into womanhood. I wonder if a girl was ever more disillusioned. I wonder if I’ll ever have any more faith in men. I wonder if i can ever care for any man again. Oh, I’m afraid – so afraid of the future – of life – of love! I didn’t believe anyone could have such a rude awakening and I’m afraid – afraid. I’m in darkness. Which way shall I turn!
Another hopeless day. School then gym. Jack called to say he couldn’t come tonite. I wasn’t even sorry he couldn’t come. So I wrote some letters. Gee, but things seem funny these days. I’ve lost all ambitions and joys. Fred called. He’s awfully sweet. I’m sorry things have gone so awfully wrong.
After school, we spent an hour looking for Hist books. Lord, but we’ve got a job! Gym at 1:30. Developed an awful headache. Wonder if there’s something wrong inside of me other than my eyes. I’m so tired of aches in my head. It just makes me feel so useless and awful. How can I have headaches when there’s such a world of work to do. A Chem and French test Friday!
Oh, I was never so heartbroken in my life as I was last nite! I nearly cried my poor, weak eyes out, and it seemed my heart was like ice. After school we went to lab, then Mrs. Heavin came over for the afternoon + for supper. Fred came at 7 and we went wrong and had our first real quarrel since we began going together 2 years ago. It nearly killed me.